For years, reporters in the WHAM 1180 radio newsroom in Rochester, New York, documented the wackiest emergency calls overheard on the police scanner:

“Man blew a kiss at the complainant. Complainant didn’t like that. They argued. Man came back with a shotgun.”

“Youths dropping lit matches into gas tanks on St. Paul.”

“The occupant from the car is chasing the hood across the expressway.”

“Pregnant cat in a box near Conrail.”

“Frank and Paul aren’t getting along because Frank wants money and Paul won’t give it to him.”

“The man with the shopping cart is now urinating on top of the garbage that’s in the shopping cart.”

“Suspicious looking footprints in the snow.”

“Two gentlemen fighting over darts at Spenders.”

“According to the mother, the father was beating the child for medical reasons.”

DISPATCHER: “Long Pond and Lyell investigating kids in the dumpster.” COP: “10-4. Kids in the dumpster. Wear your gloves.”

“Complainant ran over an opossum who is still alive and looking at her funny.”

“Woman walking a dog in the middle of the expressway.”

“Raccoon fell through the ceiling.”

“Man’s been drinking for three weeks, requesting an ambulance for detox.”

“Male, white, no clothes, covered in mud, walking around the rear of the War Memorial.”

“He’s throwing bottles of shampoo all over the store.”

For years, reporters in the WHAM 1180 radio newsroom in Rochester, New York, documented the wackiest emergency calls overheard on the police scanner:

“A male driving inside a vehicle.”

“He’s having dreams that he wants to kill the President and whatnot.”

“Man sent to Burger King by a temp agency, got beat up once he got there.”

“Person hanging out of a window, person inside holding onto his feet, security watching.”

“Suspect in car trying to push over a porta john.”

“Male robbed something from the store. Left his shirt and ID behind.”

“The squirrel was bitten by a dog, and now the squirrel is running around in circles acting strange.”

“Roofers are threatening to tear off the newly installed shingles.”

“Current bat policy – you don’t respond to anything, right?”

“Suspects took the victim’s pants and boots, leaving him naked except for a hoody.”

“Don and Mike are talking about Lonsberry.”

“A left eye injury. Injured by a skunk.”

“Resident believes someone in the mob is waiting to get him outside.”

“Three male blacks dressed in women’s clothing took a 2-liter of Sprite.”

For years, reporters in the WHAM 1180 radio newsroom in Rochester, New York, documented the wackiest emergency calls overheard on the police scanner:

“Arguments over who drank the last beer.”

“Report of a man slumped over in a car. Slumped over but standing. Chewing on a straw.”

“He put items into his pants.”

“Three people passed the phone, they all said, ‘Hello,” then hung up on us.”

“The suspect has some sort of tail, or hair on his back.”

“The neighbor brat is harassing.”

“His wife wouldn’t say why she’s doing it, but she’s tearing herself up in the store.”

“The man’s got a book and a cane. He’s with a prostitute and they’re having sex.”

“She asked the complainant for a few dollars. She’s not wearing any pants.”

“Yeh, he’s flappin’ his yap as usual.”

“Outside naked, asking for a beer and a cigarette.”

“On a bicycle, pushing a lawn mower.”

“Male rambling, talking to an officer, something about jail.”

“Totally naked in a red sports car.”

“Animals on her window. Thinks they’re raccoons because their eyes are glowing. Neighbor saw it, too.”

For years, reporters in the WHAM 1180 radio newsroom in Rochester, New York, documented the wackiest emergency calls overheard on the police scanner:

“Report of food on the stove.”

“Regarding stolen car, the pastor was driving around, said the Lord told him to take a right. Sure enough, there it was.”

COP: “My computer won’t let me code this out.” DISPATCHER: “No problem. You fight crime, I’ll type.”

“Apparently the female keeps bothering him. He wants to hurt her is she won’t stop bothering him.”

“Call about some metal shavings behind the Salvation Army. If they turn out to be gold shavings, I’ll take care of the evidence.”

“Broad and Fitzhugh for some dancin’ in the street.”

“Naked intox telling the complainant… well… unintelligible things.”

“530 pounds and she looks like a boy.”

DISPATCHER: “Says he’s drunk and his face is busted.” COP: “10-4 for the busted face intox.”

“Call for a vicious dog. She owns the dog, but apparently it’s not letting her into her own basement.”

“Got a call saying the person was unconscious and had been vomiting. When I asked if they were breathing, I got a bunch of giggling, so I guess that means yes.”

“Report of a bonfire, also known as a recreational fire.”

“Person stuck in the bathtub. They’re not answering.”

“Females fighting in the snow out front.”

“Okay, now we’re cookin’ with oil.”

For years, reporters in the WHAM 1180 radio newsroom in Rochester, New York, documented the wackiest emergency calls overheard on the police scanner:

“She’s got her tongue stuck to a utility pole.”

“Wash cloth on fire.”

“Driving a lawn mower on fire on the expressway.”

“Going for a donut run.”

“Complainant will point out the man to deputies. Shouldn’t be hard to miss. He’s the one wearing no pants.”

“Man had sexual relations for 10 dollars, and the woman stole 300 dollars from him. He wants the money back.”

“In the yard yelling, ‘I WANT MY WOMAN BACK!’ on a cell phone.”

“The mother is chasing her with a bat.”

“Man stopping at a house claiming he’s Little Richard.”

“He claims he doesn’t know the woman. She’s the mother of his children.”

“He’s a male, white, but dressed up like a female with a blue jean skirt, high heels and carrying a black purse.”

“Black male known for taking stuff from people’s yards, now walking around with a lawn mower.”

“Call for a woman bleeding from the check. Must be cheek.”

“30-year-old male peein’ all over.”

“Are dogs allowed at the hospital?”